And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And then he peed in my hair
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