Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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