Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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