I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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