I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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