what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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