...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
