i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
