her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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