I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
