ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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