i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
