Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were trust falling into bushes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
