i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
