i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize