not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
