just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
