um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
