every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
