but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
