It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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