just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
