Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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