i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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