anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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