um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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