if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
