forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
