my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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