Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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