On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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