just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
