'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
