is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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