Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
