You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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