My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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