My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
they need to just BURY HIM!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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