Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
