Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
