Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
