I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
