I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
