I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
