Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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