my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
