Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have feelings that need drinking.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
