I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
