Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
