I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
