you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
