May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So vagazzling was a success
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