Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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