i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
