Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
