Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
