im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize