She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
