Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
