I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
