I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
