God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize