would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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