I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm too high and old for this...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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