I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
