Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
