i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
