Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize