I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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