so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
