no you cant smoke seaweed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
