Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
