he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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