I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
