you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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