I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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