You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
