If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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