Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
