I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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