Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
