oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
