you guys were way drunker than both of me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
