Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i out mim tonsoeep
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