The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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