I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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