I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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