just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
