Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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