She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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