If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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