His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
