How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
