I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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