I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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