I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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