I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
