yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
