Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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